I think I'm going to write shorter and more frequent posts. It's fun for me to go through old posts and see what was going on in, say, September 2007 or how I was feeling around Christmas 2008. But sometimes I feel daunted when I sit down to post--shouldn't I have something to say?
Here's what I have to say today: School is almost out. It really winds down Friday, when a long string of half days begins (plus a three-day weekend). What I love about summer: sleeping in, not having to run around all day driving kids to and from school. What drives me crazy about summer: never having a minute alone in the house. Oh, and heat and humidity and having to bare practically all at the swimming pool.
It seems strange to me that we're expected to put ourselves on display from June through August. I'm a fairly modest person--we do not have one of those naked households where everyone is very nonchalant about walking around without clothes--and it is almost impossible to feel modest in swimsuit. Or thin. Even thin people don't feel thin.
And then there are the saggy knees and the spider veins. Why must I share?
Of course, at the ripe old age of 46 minus five days, I'm aware that I'm largely invisible. It's one of the interesting, somewhat liberating, someone dismaying things about getting older. Unless you really work at it, and some women do, just not me, you're really not the center of much attention. And as someone who has never liked being looked at, I don't mind too terribly much. It's interesting to walk around a crowd feeling invisible. You don't worry so much about how you look, because no one really sees you.
I was brought up to be conscious of the world looking at me. I was brought up to believe that being pretty was important. I was also brought to believe that being smart and good were also important, I should say. But being pretty was definitely up there on the list of Important Things Girls Should Devote Themselves To.
It would be nice to let that go, at least a little bit.
And it would be nice to wear a swim suit that didn't expose the parts of me I spend the rest of the year strategically trying to minimize.
Maybe one of the nicest things about summer is watching my children in their swimsuits. They don't give one thought to how they look. They just play and enjoy the feel of the hot sun and the cool water.
It must be nice.
5 hours ago