Tuesday, August 19, 2008

Desperate E-Mail

Dear Fellow Room Parent:

Thank you so much for calling on Sunday to introduce yourself. Although during our conversation it became clear we will be competing for the title of Least Organized Room Parent at Our Fine School, I think we will have fun working together, forgetting things, losing lists, and scrambling at the very last minute to get one more parent chaperone for the field trip to the Waste Management Plant because it turns out we need five drivers instead of four.

I am so interested in this notion of yours that we should have a class party sometime in the next couple of weeks, perhaps at a swim club or in somebody's backyard. I have casually mentioned the idea of having a party to several friends, both OFS parents and regular joes off the street. The general consensus seems to be that there may be worse ideas floating around--say, sending some of our cuter preschool kids on a peacekeeping mission to Georgian territory--but the idea of having a class party is quite impressively bad.

Let's be honest with one another: the only reason you want to plan a party is because you have friends in other classes who have planned parties, and they started planning these little parties in mid-June. You are feeling the pressure one often feels in the face of unparalleled insanity masking itself as hypercompetence. Please don't do this to yourself--or, more to the point, to me.

Rest assured, having a class party will not win us any points with the other parents in Room 204. In fact, it will start the year off on a sour note as we are booed and hissed at Back to School Night when we announce each and every Room 204 family will have to sacrifice yet another freaking weekend afternoon to School Unity and unbelievably tedious small talk.

So let's not do this, shall we? Instead, let's be rebels, iconoclasts, trend setters. "Our class doesn't party," we'll tell all the Martha Stewart wannabes around OFS. "Our class kicks academic butt." Let's make a reputation as the hardass room parents, the no nonsense gals. We will be remembered for it--and, yes, loved.

Please. I'm begging you.

Your Fellow Room Parent


Heather said...

The class party idea must have been born from the same vile pit of parental angst that invented $70themed birthday cakes and teflon lined pinatas. Good luck!

Ali said...

I'm backing your corner. School social events are the seventh circle of hell. Trying to pretend these randomn people are your friends.

Tracy said...

The only time things like a class party happen are if our teachers or the kids themselves organise it! For example, Miss Sunshine's class threw her teacher a party for his birthday. They provided the food, drinks, music and even convinced the grown up's dressed as the white rabbit, a scarecrow and a princess for the preschool visitors to pop in and join them!

But parents doing it? Nup. Doesn't happen!!!!!

I'm sticking with the Aussie school system where we have no need of 'room parents' and all classroom helpers are under the direct supervision of the teacher...during class time!!!!!