Wednesday, August 14, 2013

Fabric is pretty! 

Sometimes there's just so much to write about it's hard to know where to start. Well, I'll start with my mom. She's good. She's responding incredibly well to chemotherapy, and her blood counts are great. There's a lot of guarded optimism about her chances of remission. She, of course, is certain she'll be in remission by January, and in the meantime plans on living her life instead of just waiting around to be 100% well. She has books to read, quilts to quilt, and friends to visit.

Some of the best news is that the chemo isn't making her sick. She's tired, but not nauseated. She's losing her hair, but not throwing up. Right now she's on her second round of chemo, which means she's in the hospital, but she's trying to take walks at least twice a day to keep her strength up.

So thank you for your prayers. And please continuing praying! My mom's name is Jane, and she believes that all the prayers are helping.

***

Next up: Back to school! School starts next week, and even the boys are admitting they're ready. As always on this last week of summer vacation, we're all being total slackers. I'm turning a blind eye to extra computer time and too much TV. Whatever it takes to get us through the next few days. When school starts, both of my guys are going to be crazy-busy, so they might as well be lazy while they can.

I'm living in that la-la land most moms I know live in this time of year, imagining how the return to order and routine will make my life lovely and simple and neat and tidy. I'll write lots of books and quilt lots of quilts and make lots of cookies and muffins and put in a fall garden and go to the gym at least three times a week, probably more like five, and, oh yes, lose that last fifteen pounds. It's all possible!

History has not proven this out. Oh, those first couple of weeks of school are glorious. Things are neat and tidy, making lunches every night isn't a pain, and the children jump out of bed like little jumping beans before the alarm even goes off. By week three, of course, it all falls apart, but let's not ruin the dream, shall we? Let's pretend a little longer.

***

I wonder how I'll remember this summer. There have been some lovely moments. Many of them have taken place on my screen porch early mornings, the garden filled with butterflies and hummingbirds. But there's also been the intensity of my mother's illness. You always wonder how you will bear things.

What's hardest to bear right now is my father's anxieties. He's so worried and afraid. He won't be comforted, and to be honest, I don't really know what to do but pray for him.

And there is the working things out with my brothers--how often should we go see my parents? What do they need from us? My older brother, himself a cancer survivor, thinks one of us should go every other week for a few days. I'm not convinced that's what my parents want, but my brother (who is a dear, thoughtful man, but like all of us is bringing some baggage to the table) is not convinced we should leave these decisions in my parents' hands.

This is a discussion we've just started having, but it's made me realize that even the best-intentioned people (and I think that would describe everyone involved here) can be at odds with one another in a way that can result in hurt feelings, tension, even rifts. I'm proceeding with caution. Everyone is tired and emotional.

In spite of the sadness and the tiredness, I'm actually doing okay. I know I'm delusional about the order and tidiness I imagine fall will bring, but I'm still energized by the dream. So onward into September, into cool mornings and high blue skies and a fall garden filled with lettuce and kale. God is good. Let us proceed.

13 comments:

wayside wanderer said...

You do have a lot going on, Frances. I am so glad your mom is responding well and not feeling too icky. What a wonderful answer to prayer. I will continue to pray for her and the rest of your family, too, as you all navigate these strange, new waters together...love, courage, wisdom, peace, insight, and much grace. -Leslie

magsmcc said...

Let us proceed with small, gentle steps, and with butterflies. Let us drink tea early and pray a little then too xx

Heather said...

I'm glad your mom isn't feeling the nausea. I'll pray for your father,too. Sometimes we concentrate so much on the person who is sick, we forget to wish solace to the loved ones closest to them, which of course also include you and your brothers. I'm sorry you are all having to go through this.

I always start the back-to-school season with the best intentions of being super efficient in all areas, but never quite keep it up. Such is life.

GretchenJoanna said...

That is wonderful news about your mom. Thank God.

As to dreams, I think considering the huge stress you are under, you should enjoy the help that the vision of order gives you. And since you are holding it not *too* enthusiastically, perhaps you can avoid a letdown in week three. Be of good courage, God is with you!

And your fabric bolts have helped me decide to post a photo of my new fabric!

Angela said...

Remembering you all in prayer. No-one is ever as efficient as they mean to be at the start of term. And it DOES NOT MATTER!! PEOPLE matter, so concentrate on them, not on the orderliness of life.
'take from our souls the strain and stress, and let our ordered lives confess the beauty of Thy Peace'
xxx

Gumbo Lily said...

Fabric IS pretty. I just bought some to make poufs for my grandkids.

I can't help it, but every time I hear of someone going through sickness and struggle, I think of the children's song, "Jesus Love Me." The part that says, "They are weak, but He is strong." In your weakness, may Jesus be strong in you.

Love,
Jody

Pom Pom said...

Hi friend!
Oh, I am praying for Jane. I am praying for you and your brothers. It's hard to know what to do and the feelings and concerns are so sharp and vivid. He knows and He will breathe His spirit over, around, and through your family's soul.
The thing about school starting is that even though there are SO many expectations around the whole game of education, trivial and bigger, the individual students are the motivator for me. When I look at their faces on my student roster, I feel for them. They seem too fresh and innocent for middle school. I hope Will and Jack have dynamite teachers and I hope they find their groove very quickly. You should simply coast for a few weeks, soak up the silence.

Jo said...

All the blessings in the world on you and your family. I wish we always knew the right thing to do in every situation, but I'm sure whatever you do your dad will take in the spirit of love and kindness that it is offered. So pleased to hear the news about your mum. She sounds so nice. I'm sure you will keep up the supply of good books for her!
Enjoy your last week of holidays, and first week of incredible efficiency and tidiness!

Nancy McCarroll said...

God IS good. I'll pray hard.

Nancy McCarroll said...

Frances, I should probably find your email address and write you that way.

I was just praying for Jane. SOMEONE (He) got me to thinking that your dad should be on some sort of anxiety medication. Does this fit? My husband was on it when he was so worried about me, and it did a world of good. Just had to drop everything and tell you this. Blessings.

Tracy said...

Hmph, I tried to reply and Google thwarted me. And then my power went out for the whole weekend. Thwarted again!

Your fabric is beautiful. It makes me long for my own stitching and quilting...and then I remember my assignments waiting on completion!

I'm glad your Mum is doing as well as she is - you all remain in my thoughts and prayers, particularly as you and your siblings attempt to agree on how to best support them. May compassion and wisdom bathe each of you in whatever measure you require them.

By the time Google lets me post my comments you'll probably be back at school. I hope those first days are truly blissful. And organised. Even if it doesn't last for too long into the term. Enjoy it while you have it. And as a wise lady I know said "make it beautiful"...

debbie bailey said...

I can't add anything to what's already been said other than my prayers will be added to all the others. I know what you mean about having high hopes for a new school year. We're starting on week three here and none of them have been what I've expected. They could have been so much better. Sigh...there's always next week. After all, tomorrow is another day! Yeah, I have a Scarlett complex.

Everyday Life On A Shoestring said...

It seems that your mum has a very positive attitude and I'm glad the treatment is allowing her to keep walking and doing the things she loves. Sending you all love. I too am completely living your la-la land, (even down to the quilt that I'm going to make (never having quilted before!)) about how things will be in the new term. We can but dream.